bah-ha-ha

It was supposed to be an in and out Wal-Mart trip. I needed four things: feminine products, iron (little anemic me), pumpkin (in a can not the round thing), and milk. It should have been a simple enough trip. I was on the phone with my best friend rambling on about how the bookstore didn’t have the children’s book I needed and trying to hint at her that Dollar General (within walking distance from my apartment) did not have the right feminine products that I needed without actually saying the words “tampon”, “pad”, or “feminine product” on the phone because of course I was in public and I don’t want EVERYONE in Wal-Mart to know my business. Sheesh. My best friend didn’t get it but I forgave her anyways. I got the iron. Check. Got the proper feminine products which I stuck underneath my one arm. Check. I thought maybe that would disguise them a little bit from what they were but really that is foolish of me, but hey I’m still the girl that hates for anyone to see me buying that stuff. Well at least in this small town where I seem to run into fifty million people every time I go to Wal-Mart including my fourth grade students. (That would not be a fun one to explain the next week at school).

I walked over to the food aisles thinking aloud to Sybil on the phone because I forgot what I needed next. Ooops. I was laughing on the phone and basically sounding like a lunatic so I told her bye and started to think “What was it that I needed?”. A man, say about in his fifties, was walking up and down the same aisle. 

Man: You’ll probably walk by it about 10 times before you find it.

Me: Yeah that seems to be the problem.

Man: Well I’m just looking for olives. Any idea where they keep them?

Me: No but that sure sounds good.

Man: Yeah I use them for bean dip.

Me: That sounds even better. 

Man: It’s delicious. Now what are you looking for? 

Me: (finally remembering what I needed) Pumpkin!

Man: Hmmm not sure about that one. 

I walk off to the next aisle, still in search of my pumpkin. No luck. I swear it must be by the baking items so I go back to the aisle where the man is.

Man: No luck yet?

Me: Nope. It should be by the baking items but I can’t seem to find it. 

Man: (eyes light up) You know what I think it may be on a special rack in the aisle. The sales lady showed me earlier because I was looking for condensed milk.

I start to walk towards the aisle. 

Me: Thank You very much!

Man: (starts walking with me to my odd surprise) Yeah right down here.

We reach the seasonal foods rack. Pumpkin, marshemellows, condensed milk galore.

Me: Yes!

Man: Yeah I use the condensed milk for a recipe for spaghetti. Sounds weird I know but you use a little bit of condensed milk in the sauce with such and such…..(proceeds to explain complicated recipe that I do not remember as I stand there awkwardly)

Me: Well thank you very much! (I walk away, grab the milk and leave).

I walk out laughing at what just happened. The whole time I was trying to get away from the conversation not because I am mean or an ogre but because remember I had pads under my arm and no one should see me with those. It was so embarassing!

Just some ramblings from my funny blonde life.

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