In youth group I remember hearing a speaker talk about sin and temptations as “filling stations”. I think somewhere along the line he shared about driving an old church van that seemed to constantly need refueling. Turns out something was wrong with the fuel tank and the gas he was getting was doing no good. He related this to our sins and temptations and how the things we do often don’t fill us but just cause us to come back for more and more and more.
My filling station is control. I like to be in control of things. I like to know what is going on in my life and what is coming next. Change is hard for me. I realized this and had an “ah-ha” moment the other. I realized that right now cleaning is one of my control quirks. When I feel like my life is out of control, I clean. I clean my room, the living room, the kitchen, my bathroom, you name it I clean it with Lysol wipes in hand. While this is certainly a great thing for my apartment and my roommate it’s not doing my spiritual trust much good at all.
I have a headache/migraine right now that I have had since yesterday afternoon. It’s miserable. It makes me sick and it’s hard to get anything done at all. It has me even more stressed out as I have a mere week till my Unit of Instruction (the largest most important project of my college career) is due. I should be working on it. But I’m not because of this headache.
Maybe God is tapping me on the shoulder, trying to whisper some truth in my ear. Like maybe that I am not the one who needs to be in control. That it is not my job to stress over school and life and put Him on the backburner. I don’t always like the discipline the Lord brings but I’m thankful that even though He may be giving me a little switch of the wrist He doesn’t leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5).
So for now, I’m going to make the choice to pull away from the fuel station of control. It’s full of deception and only leaves me running on empty. I know I’ll have a better time letting the car’s designer take control.